**a LiFe without close sOuls**CoLoUrS oF LiFe???

Saturday, March 29, 2008

@ M.O.N.O.T.O.N.Y @

the above drawing depict what i have been feeling for the past days/weeks
easter holiday is approaching into the end of the 2nd week
2 more weeks to go,omg
for the 1st time,i dread holidays
..... all i do everyday is .....
sleep 6am-4pm
eat 5pm n 1am
watch tv 4pm-6am
project research 1am-2am
i'm practically trapped in my own "kingdom" every single day
the only time i step foot out of my "kingdom" is when i head to Tesco,the supermarket
i've become sooooo restless that i feel really O.L.D
the hustle and bustle lifestyle no longer suits me anymore
i dread seeing swam of "human bees"
basically,i am in isolation
..... snoar .....
but,the funny me,yearns for such a lifestyle when i was struggling hard for my dissertation
i hate this feeling of mixed emotions
{yucks yucks}

on the other hand,the past 2days have been much better days
{lol lol lol}
finally,i've got sth to do
the shipping boxes have arrived and i am all ready to clear those spiderwebs
my mates have always been harping by my ears on how much things i have
i kept rebutting them that it's all necessities and it ain't alot
I TAKE BACK MY WORDS AND I AM REGRETFUL NOW
i've TONs of USELESS shitz which i wonder y i bought/have them in the 1st plc
i am seriously a "MOUSE",my heart aches whenever i need to throw sth away
i am known for keeping almost everything and anything
i would love to do so this time as well,but i just cant
i cant afford to ship all of the things back
IT'S JUST TOOOOO MUCH
i've told my mum about it
this is wat she replied
"see la,buy more buy more.buy until cant come home"
{i was giggling my way thru}
*** Welcome ***
enjoy in viewing the diminishing "kingdom"
{lol lol lol}

while dwelling on my packing
a thought came through my mind
a qns was popped in a sudden
"???am i heading back to Sin for good???"
it seems like it,from the way i've packed my things
no segregations were made in terms of prioritization
the boxes will only arrive in sin in mid july
i did not take into consideration of things i might need
esp during the time spent in sin/holiday/overseas working opportunities
all of a sudden,i felt lost

我的学生生涯已快到了终点
我开始失去了方向

最近的我已发现
我已没资格在控制自己的人生
我已失去选择的权力

接下来要走的路
是由别人给我的道路

?为何呢?
那这么多年来的付出和努力不已经变成“米田共”

我非常讨厌人生的转捩点

4:15 am;

Monday, March 24, 2008

~ ??? 有谁会来雪中送碳呢 ??? ~

just yesterday

i said to myself

"Welcome to Britain"

where the whether is as abnormal as its locals

{opsie}

a minute before,the bright sunshine scorching/shining at you

a minute later,the hailstones and gentle snow droppings greets you

- this is sick to core -

i felt miserable yesterday

..... alone i .....

dragged my cabin luggage

strolled my way to the bus stop

stood by the dustbin

shivered my ass off,freaking useless sun

sat on the bus with no strangers by my side

landed myself in the supermarket

..... finally,warmth came by .....

but,it was just for a short moment

after heading out of the supermarket

while waiting for the bus once again

a huge hail storm came by

i was sooooo glad for my waterproof hooded jacket and trackpants

but eventhou i am fully covered/protected,it was hell of a pain

i can feel the stones hitting on my flesh

my cabin luggage was soaking wet,so was my precious onitsuka sneakers

i brave the ON/OFF freak storm for a whopping 20mins b4 the arrival of the damn bus

the very next moment

the sky was all cleared when i was sitting in the bus and on my journey back

i was heaving a sigh of relief

while gloating away,shitass karma visited me

the light snow storm said "Hello" to me when i step foot out of the bus

it was madness cold that i refused to pick up a call from Hiao

after several "vibrations",i pick it up

hiao: "wei,snowing now leh"

moi: "of coz i know la,i am snow-walking now,我在雪中散步"

moi: "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz,my fingers were going to be frost-bitten soon,88"

??? 在这么悲惨的生活当中

谁能给我一个温暖的拥抱呢 ???

7:36 am;

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

!#@ atTaiNinG a NevEr wAntEd gOaL ~@#!

..... exactly 2mths from now .....
i am going to make my family proud
by
donning on the graduation gown and hood
placing the precious mortar board on moi's head

***i just wish for everything to go smooth in these coming months***

- plagiarism acts to be covered -

- miracles to happen -

***the 'frog' is finally seeing some shed of light shining thru its deep empty well***

pursuing a degree has never been in my plans since my poly days

i know myself well enough

since young,i have never been performing well,academic-wise

i loathe studying,exams,etc

but,i do like the lifestyle of a student,full of freedom

when the flame of passion for the service industry was burning inside me

i was very sure that my decision was right,degree is just useless,it will not help me

all i need is to work as much as possible and gain the utmost experiences i can get

i was soooooooooooo glad,the studying sorrow will forever vanished

however

after graduating from poly n during my 1yr stint in Four Seasons

i've think thru alot,my frens' decisions in life motivates me alot

seeing how persistent they were in pursuing a degree and working full time concurrently

i've never see a need for me to pursue a degree when i am certain i would be in this industry for life

bt i was motivated further by Ian,coz he once told me "it's a long-term investment"

with this advice of his

i've decided to step onto this path of torturous journey once again

i am glad that i've made this decision in life

because many of my frens are nw uni grads too and many more to come

saying that,i do have displeasures as well

i seriously loathe this school and the UK's disgusting education system

so much hype and wow wow factor about it,yucks

i felt embaressed to say,but i have to

- i've learnt ZERO in terms of knowledge/skills -

but

- i've learnt TONS about life/living -

the most upset thing would be

i thot i would be rubbing shoulders with pple who are even more even service oriented or even more enthusiastic/passionate than me
i thot i would be able to learnt from pple who are above or way above me in terms of skills,flair,etc

bt then,i've found none
my sole purpose of pursuing this degree and coming to this school aint met on even the slightest note

it's depressing to know that pple in the course aint excited abt being in the H&T industry in general

???people deal too much with the negative,with what is wrong???

???why not try and see positive things,to just touch those things and make them bloom???

- i hv always been doing so,but it's just never enough -

but as times goes by,i've come to realise

***Life's journey is the reward***

11:43 pm;

Saturday, March 15, 2008

}***~ cHaNcErY LaNe cOncErTo ~***{

it's always real fun when u r called upon last min
made a trip dwn to somewhere that u see as heaven from your tiny little town
doing something that used to be a routine when u r back in home country
the ambience is different,the companions were different
but the FEELING is identical
finally,after 18mths being in UK
i went to KTV for the 1st time
courtesy of fang fang who had a dying eagerness for singing
{lol lol lol}

we reached the place a little late because the tube is sooooo congested and overcrowded
it's the work-off-time for all the blue/white-collar lads/lady
i was sooooo squashed up in the tube that i could barely breathe or fidgit myself
in such circumstances,i hate myself for being soooo SHORT
the quality of 'fresh' air that i can get is generated from all the B.O. of the people
and hving to turn left/right and facing the underarms of the people is horrendous
moreover,the amount of 'fresh' air i get is soooo limited
this is because there's barely any spaces for the 'fresh' to circulate in low level
{#$%^}
finally,manage to squeeze my way out of the tube station
the 1st breathe of real fresh air is heavenly,to ME
{lol lol lol}

the place is located below ground level and it's pretty dodgy
the whole place is black in colour and usually,pple will relate it to being posh
but to me,it looks like a 黑店
i was afraid that there might be some 非法交易 going on
or prob some 古惑仔 actions going on
the 1st thing that came to mind is
？我会被啥吗？
？会不会有人买/卖毒品？
i know it's damn 夸张 of me to think of that
but seriously,who knows and can predict what might happen

putting all these worries aside
i told myself,i am there in the name of FUN
thus,the FUN began once we were showed the way into the room
it's pretty spacious and comfy
just the 4 of us,the room we get is double the size of Sin's normal Kbox room
{shiokadoodoo}
we started selecting songs that we would like to sing and took turns to sing
it was hilarious because we all have diff singing styles n preference
Fife Honey: Cantonese songs,coz she's Hongkonger,high and sweet pitch
Fang Fang: Oldies songs,extreme low pitch and soap opera high pitch
Hiao: Best singer of all la,asshole,perfect pitch and modern songs
Moi: Off-pitch most of the time,modern songs,but just love to torture them by singing
{???aint we all 4 a perfect match for each other???}

presenting to you the Best Song/Performer for the night
Koh Wan Fang - One Night in Beijing
{listen to the soap opera high pitch}

oh,haven mention how much was the ktv package
it's standard 220pounds = 660sin for a small room
you can bring as many people in as possible
as there were only 4 of us
we paid a whopping 55pounds = 150sin each
{lol lol lol}
it's like the freaking most expensive KTV session i had in moi's life
with that amount,i can prob go ktv and sing for 7times in Sin
but,the main enjoyment of the super-ex ktv session is FOOD
we are entitled to eat up to 200pounds worth of delicacies
ranging from cocktails to beer to wine to appetisers to finger food to main courses to dessert
surprisingly,the food served is of standard and its super-yummy and piping hot
it was sooo yummy that i had so much junks stuffed in moi's stomach that it aches thereafter
{lol lol piggy me lol lol}
after giving our best shot in gobbling dwn the delicacies,we still had 40pounds worth to dine
sigh,we had to forgo that bcoz we were already like the shape of a 'ball' after the whole session

some random shot that i took while lying on the sofa with an aching stomach
{!!!ass!!!}
- moi's belt and jeans -
- hiao's 3-generations of precious momentos -

the whole night was just hilarious and full of excitement
such times were hard to find and doesnt come by easily
i believe,every moment treasured is sth that we will look back and smile in the future

***hail to the POR-fessional singers***

6:36 am;

Friday, March 14, 2008

-@- cAmbiO eScaPade -@-

i was awoken by the sound of neither the birds nor the construction workers
it was the catchy music i had on moi's mobile phone
i have a habit of looking at the time on the phone prior to picking up any calls
this is bcoz,if anyone would to be calling me at weird hours or early in the morning
the chances of me ignoring the call is pretty high
{lol lol opz opz lol lol}

it's been weeks that i have a weird body clock
slping at 6am or ltr and waking up at 3pm or ltr
i hate this,as i realise that i have very very very little time to do anything

anw,it was 3pm when tracy-san called me
as told to her by hiao,the chances of me still dreaming away on bed is high
indeed,i was
{hahahaha}
they were all in school,binding their dissertation and handing it up
???who aint excited when the bloody honours-rewarding FYP is done???

it was time for the long-awaited celebration
i lazed on bed till 5pm before washing up and getting changed to meet them in town
the celebration took place in
- Cambio -

an italian restaurant

while waiting for honey

who was still slping when i knocked on her door prior to leaving moi's hostel

we just cant resist snapping our way in this 'posh' place

{fang fang n moi}{hiao n tracy-san}

the highlight of the celebration

- delicacies -

everyone's all-time-favourite calamari

moi's all-time-favourite beef carpaccio

the focus of the night

our main courses

tracy-san's lamp

honey's risotto

moi,hiao n fang fang's beef fillet

the medium-rare beef was to-die-for

omg,it's tough to find a nice restaurant in UK to have a nice piece of steak

{yumz yumz}

how can we end a meal without something sweet to bring us into lalaland when back home
the chocolate souffle was highly recommended by hiao and fang
i would say it's pretty a huge disappointment
1stly,it aint a souffle,more of like molten choc lava
2ndly,the sponge is pretty thick and a tat tough
but the oozing dark choc was rich enough to made my day
{woot woot}
tracy-san and honey tried the creme brulee
which turn out really yummylicious

thumbs up for the job-well-done and all the effort and hard work we had all gone thru
the last leg of our uni life is gonna be tough for we have high expectations of ourselves
- crossing fingers and wishing us all the best -
{!!!!!we are gonna soar up high!!!!!}

after alighting from the bus back to Manor Park
we just cant resist not taking a picture thou our ass were freezing away

- Welcome -
***Home Sweet Home***

7:52 am;

Thursday, March 13, 2008

eNeRgY gRoUnd Z.E.R.O

{F.I.N.A.L.L.Y}

i am x-tremely exhausted

my body aches,esp my legs

too much walking frm building to building

due to zero excessive walking for weeks,hibernated in room

the day started off on a very wrong note

did not slp well for days

{i hate the gust of the strong winds and the thunderous rainstorms}

pissed with the lousy facilities in school

couldn't get things done for the 1st hour

but i believe,starting it off rough,brings better rewards in time to come

met a fren whom i heart ache for,very much

i just hope he can pull thru this period

{arghz}

i have mixed feelings

i did not felt a sense of relief nor achievement when i handed it in

wishing for miracles to land on me

*thank YOU*

7:30 am;

Sunday, March 09, 2008

~}~ 温暖的一碗粥 ~{~

i'm never a person with sudden food cravings
i simply indulged in every cuisine/delicacies that's being placed infront of moi
but of coz,there are times when i tend to be picky
out of the blue,while engrossing with moi's environmentally friendly dissertation
being bored by it,i was whizzed away to a land of random thoughts
what kept me thinking was the warmth back home
i thought about,what will make my day a complete one
and i realise,just a plain and simple offerings of Teochew Porridge

我的人生已充满色彩

我不渴望满汉全席
简简单单的一碗粥，我已很知足了

i know the above pic does not dictate plain and simple offerings

but,Teochew Porridge offerings are just that traditional

？有没有人能陪我吃这么简简单单的一餐呢？

11:13 am;

Saturday, March 08, 2008

> c.L.a.R.i.F.i.C.a.T.i.O.n <

i've been popped with 1 qns in the past 1-2days by several peeps

whenever i was asked, it just amuse me alot

..... i wonder .....

isit the poor command of my language tat got people thinking it in the wrong way

or isit, my dearest pals were just happy/shocked by it

..... hmz .....

qns: are you in love?

moi: huh,no,how i wish.....

..... to those .....

happy: sorry to hv let you guys 一场欢喜，一场空

shocked: am single wor, i have all rights to be with anyone 逗你们而已，开玩笑啦

- i am NOT attached -

我的妈呀

？我应该开心还是伤心呢？

8:56 am;

Friday, March 07, 2008

>*** LeT L.O.V.E sPaRkLes ***<

a dedication to a beloved friend
done in your favourite colour
{i believe you will know who you are}
{once you've read the contents}
after mths of hesitation,weeks of advice,days of sorting thoughts
i kind of know the feeling behind it all
i hope i've decipher it all right

{the I represents moi's fren}

It’s been years I’ve been wishing to finally found someone who will stay in my life for good but yes they come in my life only to leave again and take away pieces of my heart. It’s always hard to put a trust again to someone and having faith that this time around maybe he will come to stay and put back the pieces again to make it whole. Or could it be that I am so hesitant to give all of me for fear that this time around there will be no more left for me. Yeah I’ve found someone I think I have sort of relate, connect, bond and possibly a new love but there is always this part of me that hesitates to give him all of me and open up to him because I’ve been lied at, left behind and hanging in the open. Maybe in time I can give him all of me but I hope its not too late and he will come to stay my way.

这是你的感想吗？

对你而言，对爱情有信心，你将会快乐一些

12:39 pm;

Thursday, March 06, 2008

<*>~ gAps iN LiFe ~<*>

I'm not really sure of the words to say
If only you knew that I feel this way
I wanna give my heart to you
Show me the way that you want me to

I know for sure there's a place for us
I'm counting the days till I feel your touch
You come to me when I dream at night
When I'm with you it would be so right

If you could see the love in my eyes
You should know that I'm on your side
Oooh...I'll be yours, you'll be mine
Oooh...What will I do

My life has always been here and there and always drifting
Maybe its one of the reason why love still has not yet come to stay my way

I think one can only find fulfillment or satisfaction after finding the right person to spend the rest of her/his life with. What is the purpose of gaining all the material possession money can buy when you have no one to share it and enjoy the fruits of your labor

I guess, I need someone to awaken my heart, my soul and teach it to beat, to hope, to love eventhou when it doesn’t have any assurance at all that it’s forevermore. But I guess we all take chances, we risk, we love, we cry, we reminisce, we long to turn back the clock when in reality we all move on and start over and wish once more that maybe this time around you’ll find the guy who’ll stay and be with you forever like prince charming in cinderella.

{??hmz,aint this a big slap on moi's 2nd march post??}

i guess it's just an uncontrollable monster called emotions

JJ asked me yest: are you in love? (based on his reading on 27th feb post)

moi: me?no.

JJ: then wat's i felt loved?

moi: ..... for family

{???is tat a disappointed qns or happy qns??? }

3:08 pm;

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

~@??? eVeR bEeN 2 HELL n bAcK ???@~

??? what does the w.o.r.d HELL means ???
does it always meant to be sth that's fearful
cant it just be as angelic as wat heaven is perceived as

..... to me, HELL, is known as .....
formerly was a dark hidden space
unperceivable, covered, a true hiding place
it could be a place, as crude as a shed
or could be a helmet, to cover your head

DO NOT be PASSE
embark, from 2day onwards, on a wonderful hells journey
face youtube videos frm day-2-nite
treat yourself to the world's best-reality TV show
{- Trump's Apprentice, not an inch near HELL -}
WELCOME 2 HELL's KITCHEN
{niak niak niak}
{a bunch of 12peeps,coming frm all walks of life,battling it out,just in the name of attaining their goal,a dream they've yearn for in many years,working hard in proving themselves of being all worth to own a restaurant,the last woman/man standing rulez it all}

??? u think it's easy ???
wait till u've catched several episodes on ur own
then, you will hv a feel of what HELL is really like
under the scrutinization of Chef Ramsay
- your food/production, my standards -

APPLAUD to Michelin studded Gordon Ramsay
- the most -
crude,vulgar, demanding, fierce, fevered temper, harsh criticizer
- but -
everyone still reckons him as the best in his profession
...... i've learnt ......
being a perfectionist is a respect to your ever-trusting guests
only the best/polished reached the guests, despite all delays
no room for imperfections are allowed

his protege(s)
{Chef Maryann, Maitre'd Jean, Chef Scott}

season after season
i fell hard for this series
it's just so related to moi's future industry/profession
most of the time, it kept me thinking
which route would i really want to take
??? service/kitchen ???
i do hv burning flame of passion for both
i am just a total confused soul
or shall i just stick to housekeeping
- omg omg omg -
i hate this turmoil in life
am so inspired by Chef Maryann, not only a lady but a protege of Chef Ramsay
her status motivates me further
- man, move aside -
Maitre'd Jean sincerity in service
and his enthusiasm in ensuring perfect smiles at the end of every service
pushed me further in reaching the standard of attaining service excellence and enhancing moi's PR skills
- i am TRUELY inspired by them all -

not surprising to many
i've tear lots for this show
seeing every talented individuals who gets booted out
their dreams were crashed
i just cant bear to face such a reality
my heartfelt tears goes out to them

take it from one who knows
hell is just around the corner
and its coldbone-cracking soul-searching cold
and there’s absolutely nothing there
but your egotistical, crass and cravenself-built soul

5:31 am;

Monday, March 03, 2008

aRriVaLs oF cUte dOLLieS

waking up to the 1st email i've received
it totally spoils moi's day
i hate it when i am in england during such occasions
i am sore that i am missing out on such a wonderful opportunity
one of moi's favourite brand is opening it's 2nd store @ Suntec City
{woot woot}

!!!!! the most freaking %$#@ part is,there's gonna be an exhibition of the dolls !!!!!
{arghz arghz,KILL ME PLEASE}
????? Y must they launch it in March,Y not in MAY when i'm back ?????
{ta ma de}
this email reminds me of a very heart-wreaking issue
1mth plus ago,i've lost moi's precious Heroic jacket @ freaking Heathrow
{sobz till max}

heh heh
there's gonna be a launch party in zouk
i know of a friend who works for zouk as a designer
knowing the fact that he attends ALL kind of events at zouk,duh.....
cross fingers that he will attend this girlish party and snap pics for moi
{whoppiee doooo doooo}

..... ANYONE .....
if u happen to PASS BY suntec or central during those exhibition dates
PLEASE take photos for me PLEASE
email me @ taysooling@yahoo.com.sg
onegai shimasu

11:05 pm;

~??? 人生最烦恼的事 ???

男人:

有才華的長的醜

長的帥的掙錢少

掙錢多的不顧家

顧家的沒出息

有出息的不浪漫

會浪漫的靠不住

靠的住的又窩囊

女人:

漂亮的不下廚房

下廚房的不溫柔

溫柔的沒主見

有主見的沒女人味

有女人味的亂花錢

不亂花錢的不時尚

時尚的不放心

放心的沒法看

不管是男人或是女人

都免不了有这些缺点

男或女，都在选择中吃苦了

为何，人生已经那么痛苦

还必须烦恼这些心灵事情

人，真的没有爱情不行吗？

有了爱情才算完美吗？

当人有了爱情，也面对烦恼

那又何必呢？

这一生中，如果幸运的找到终身伴侣

人还是必须面对另一个烦恼

那就是，偷吃！

老婆是電視, 情人是手機

在家看電視, 出門帶手機

破產賣電視 , 發財換手機

偶爾看電視, 整天玩手機

電視終身不收費, 手機欠費就停機

。。。。。　就应为这样，做女人一定要　。。。。。

經得起謊言

受得起敷衍

忍得住欺騙

忘得了諾言

。。。。。　应为　。。。。。

寧願相信世上有鬼, 也不能相信男人那張嘴

说了这么多

我还是发现，在我的朋友圈当中

有些人还竟然让爱情成为他们的推动力

！我的妈呀！

可是，在我的脆弱小心声里

我也渴望这样的推动力

哈哈

5:08 am;